The Five Stages of Grief and Buying a New Horn

Happy New Year! In 2019, I’m going to try to update my blog more often than I have in the past – probably not every week or every other week like I once imagined (Ha. Ha ha.) but hopefully once a month, to express whatever horn thoughts are on my mind that month.

In January 2019, I have some very exciting thoughts right away, specifically, I got a new horn! Last week, while trying out some horns in the Houghton display room for fun, I wound up liking one better than my regular horn. Naturally, I began having an existential crisis. In the process of deciding whether I should make an “impulse buy” for, you know, the representation of my entire livelihood, I realized the emotions I was going through were not entirely unlike the five stages of grief. Imagine my despair several years ago, when making the switch from Kruspe-Style to Geyer-Style horns! The process was about the same, but even longer, making me wonder if this is simply part of the process when making such a change.

When you see new horn posts on social media, or see one of your buddies coming to rehearsal with a “new axe,” you are only seeing the end result – the smiling face, or the positive review of a new product. You don’t see the struggle of selecting the right instrument, an important selection process, since the horn will be your musical voice for the foreseeable future. Some lucky hornists who know exactly what they want out of a horn already (or, young people who are buying their first-ever non-school horn) may find the process easy and exciting! For those who find an instrument change daunting, I am writing this post to offer some encouragement when the stressful thoughts creep in.

Denial

I don’t need a new horn – I just need to practice more.

My whole musical career, I have been a “practicer” – I was never much of a “natural” and made up for it through focused, daily practice. When I have issues with my playing, I tend to assume that the problem is simply something I need to work on more, rather than attempt to see if a change in equipment will make some of the playing easier.

Something to keep in mind when buying a new instrument is that we will never be done striving for our best sound. Even the best players are constantly working to play better/easier/more beautifully every day. If you find equipment that gets you closer to your ideal sound, take advantage of it.

Anger

Why didn’t I figure this out sooner? I wouldn’t have customized my previous horn so much if I knew I would be getting an entirely new instrument!

I’ve had this experience with cars too – spend hundreds of dollars on repairing a rear wheel and tire, only to buy a whole new car later in the year. It’s normal to be a bit angry when you have invested a lot of time, energy, money, etc. into something that you thought would be part of your life for a longer amount of time. But it’s better to see all of those investments as necessary to you at that time, and the upgrade to a new car, horn, pair of shoes, whatever it is, is what’s best for you at this time. Ok, I’d never be angry about upgrading to a new pair of shoes.

Bargaining

Maybe if I eat an all-grass fed organic diet, train for marathons, and drink 72 oz. of water every day, I’ll be fit enough to put the right amount of air through my current horn to get the sound I want.

The idea of doing everything you possibly can to make sure you’re on the right instrument might happen while trying different ones, or perhaps it’s already been happening while you’ve been making observations in your own playing. If you are practicing your fundamentals every day, making sure that you are playing efficiently, and focusing on producing the sound you want to hear, then making that sound should be easy. Something I’ve started to say is, “You shouldn’t have to do Calculus BC to make a good sound.” If the horn in your hands helps you more easily achieve the sound in your ear, you should get that horn.

Speaking of bargaining, maybe the shop/person you’re buying from will take a trade-in or payment plans!

Depression

But I love my horn! Why can’t I keep it forever?

Boy, this one hit hard after I decided it was time to make the switch from Kruspe-Style to Geyer-Style horns – especially because the horn I was playing on was customized and even partly engraved by a very special former teacher. It’s ok – encouraged, even – to love your horn. But when you love THIS ONE horn so much that you stop imagining yourself playing others, you are putting limits on yourself when preforming trends require the player to be adaptable.

It’s also been a depressing thought to me that I’ve tended to change horns about every four years thus far in my career – to imply that I seemingly haven’t found “the one.” It’s helped me to think of the horn as a tool to enable musicality, rather than a personification, and moving away from thinking of finding a horn the way we think of finding our “soulmate.” So, instead of being sad that I haven’t found “the one” horn for me, I think now, “I wonder what I’ll wind up liking in another four years.”

Acceptance

Heldenleben? The Brandenburg Concerto? Strauss 2? Bring it on.

After all that, the best part of taking home a new horn is (hopefully) a renewed joy in practicing. You found a tool that makes it easier for you to achieve the objectives you want in your practice more easily, and are set to start learning more about what you can truly do both technically and musically. Skip the Calculus BC and start your day playing with the sound you’ve been working towards.

Has anyone else had similar buying experiences? Feel free to leave a comment and/or share!

If you're not practicing in your Star Wars pajamas, are you really practicing?

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